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Signed in as:
filler@godaddy.com
Hoopdogg’s Terms and Conditions
1. You Buy It, You Own It
Once you hand over your cash, that broken lamp or questionable “art” is yours, Karen. No returns, no refunds, no whining. If you didn’t want it, you shouldn’t have bought it. Simple.
2. Buyer’s Remorse Is Not My Problem
Don’t come crying to me about how that “vintage” chair is a death trap. You chose it. I didn’t twist your arm. Once it’s yours, it’s your problem. Deal with it.
3. No Complaints, No Refunds
I don’t care if your sock drawer looks worse after I alphabetized it or if your plants are now emotionally scarred from my motivational speeches. You paid for it, so don’t be a Karen and complain. Just take the loss and move on.
4. All Sales Are Final
We don’t do “change of mind” here. You saw the junk, you bought the junk, now you get to live with it. If you need validation, go to a therapist.
5. Don’t Ask for Free Stuff
Just because you’re “a loyal customer” (who I’ve never seen before) doesn’t mean you’re getting a discount. You want free stuff? Find a charity. This is Hoopdogg’s, not your local thrift store.
6. I’m Not Responsible for Your Bad Decisions
If you bought something stupid, it’s not my fault you lack impulse control. That broken toaster? Your problem. The weird painting of a cat? Enjoy that weirdness, because it’s yours now.
By shopping at Hoopdogg’s, you agree to all of the above. If you don’t like it, well, I’m sure there’s a store full of “normal” stuff that’ll happily take your money without a sense of humor.
Hoopdogg’s Refund Policy: The Legal Agreement You Didn’t Ask For
By clicking “Buy,” you (hereinafter referred to as the “Sucker”) voluntarily enter into a legally binding contract with Hoopdogg’s (the “Store of Regret”). As of this moment, you acknowledge and accept the following terms and conditions:
1. You Buy It, You Own It
Once you hand over your money, that item is yours for eternity. Hoopdogg’s does not accept returns, exchanges, or any complaints. You bought it, you deal with it. That broken lamp? Your problem. The half-melted candle? Now your responsibility. If you’re regretting it already, too bad—tough shit.
2. No Refunds, Ever
Refunds are a myth at Hoopdogg’s. They don’t exist. You agreed to this the moment you clicked “Buy.” That slightly stained chair, the weird painting of a cat, or the jar of random screws you don’t know what to do with—no refunds, no exchanges, no do-overs. You’re stuck with it. Have fun explaining it to your family.
3. You’ve Lost Your Dignity
At the moment of purchase, you acknowledge that you’ve lost any remaining dignity and probably your sanity. That’s on you. The item you purchased is now a constant reminder of your poor decision-making skills and total lack of impulse control. You should’ve thought twice—too late now.
4. Buyer’s Remorse = Your Problem, Not Ours
Feeling regretful? Good. That’s the price of doing business with us. But guess what? Hoopdogg’s is not responsible for any emotional damage, buyer’s remorse, or shame you may experience after your purchase. You’ve made your bed, now lie in it (preferably on that broken mattress you just bought).
5. No Crying, No Complaints
You’re not getting a pity party. If you want sympathy, go to your mom. If you want to complain about your purchase, save it. We don’t care. If it’s broken, it’s your fault for buying it. If it’s ugly, it’s your fault for liking it. There will be no refunds, no exchanges, and no customer service responses that make you feel better.
By proceeding with this purchase, you explicitly agree to all the terms above and acknowledge that Hoopdogg’s has no legal or moral obligation to feel bad for you. Once you’ve paid, you’re stuck.
Hoopdogg’s: Where bad decisions meet their eternal consequence. Enjoy the crap you bought, sucker.