Privacy Policy

Hoopdogg’s Privacy Policy

Welcome to Hoopdogg’s, where we sell you junk and pretend to care about your privacy. But let’s be real—we’re not going to do much with your personal info except maybe chuckle about it later. That said, here’s our totally serious and legally questionable privacy policy:

1. What We Collect

When you buy our junk, we might collect your name, email, address, and credit card details. But don’t get any ideas. We’re not using this information to stalk you (unless you buy something REALLY weird, in which case, we might Google you for laughs). We might also collect some random bits of data from your browsing experience, like how long you stare at that lamp that’s clearly a mistake.

2. How We Use Your Info

We use your information to process your order, send you junk you don’t need, and occasionally spam you with deals on other pointless crap. If you thought your inbox was safe—think again. You’ll also get updates from us about new, useless products, but only because we’re bored and want to bother you.

3. Sharing Your Info

Look, we’re not selling your info to shady people (yet). But we might share it with third-party partners who help us ship your crap or maybe send you even more junk. Don’t worry; they probably won’t care either. If we do sell your info one day, it’ll be so we can finally buy that inflatable unicorn we’ve been eyeing.

4. Cookies

Yes, we use cookies. No, not the delicious kind. These are the tracking kind, which means we know what you’re looking at and how long you’re thinking about buying that broken toaster. We use these cookies to serve you even more ads for stuff you don’t need, because you’re clearly hooked and we’re here to profit.

5. Your Rights

You can always opt-out of our emails, but good luck with that. If you don’t want us to know what you’re buying, maybe don’t visit our website and buy things from a place called Hoopdogg’s. But hey, if you really want to delete your account and erase yourself from existence, you can ask us to do that too. But remember, once you buy our crap, it’s yours forever.

6. Data Security

We’re doing our best to keep your data safe, but let’s be real: if you’re trusting a business that sells broken lamps and mystery jars of screws, you probably don’t have high expectations for security. We can’t guarantee your info won’t get hacked, but we can guarantee that if it does, it’ll probably be because someone was looking for deals on weird junk.

7. Changes to This Policy

We reserve the right to change this privacy policy whenever we feel like it, probably when we’re bored or when we accidentally sell your info to a sketchy Nigerian prince. If we do, we’ll just update this page and act like we care.

By buying our crap, you agree to this ridiculously lax privacy policy. If you don’t, tough luck. You bought it, so you’re already on the hook.

Hoopdogg’s: We might not protect your privacy, but we sure know how to sell you crap.